Lessons My Jewish Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you two are going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'till all...